Two tags in the same week– what the heck’s going on around here? This time it’s Sacred Slut tagging me with a meme to post six non-important things, habits, or quirks about myself. Since I am still having a heck of a time finding material to write about, I’ll take a whack at it.1) I have a completely bizarre way of looking at the work week. Typically, people use the ever famous "hump method" where you spend Monday and Tuesday climbing the hill, Wednesday on the hump, and Thursday and Friday sliding easily into the weekend. I use my own patented "slope method." I lop of Thursday and Friday, because by then I consider the week over. That leaves me with three days, making Tuesday the new hump day, right? Now, since Wednesday’s on the other side of the hump, I treat it as New Friday, which technically means I only have to work a two day work week– Monday and Tuesday. Under that regime, I consider the week a slide from Monday, down into Tuesday. So, basically, I’ve deluded myself into thinking I only have to work two days per week.
2) I have always felt self conscious about the size of my nipples. To me, they look too big.
3) I almost flunked out of kindergarten, because, among other things, I did not learn the alphabet. How did this happen? Two reasons. One, I somehow got it into my head that since my name started with an "A," I didn’t need to learn any of the other letters of the alphabet. So, after day one, I pretty much tuned out. Two, as a shy daydreamer, I didn’t draw much attention to myself and no one realized I hadn’t learned anything until it was too late. They actually took me out of class a few times to give me tests so they could find out if I was retarded or slow or something. I also wound up in therapy, but that's a whole 'nuther story.
4) As a child, I always wanted to be a marine biologist. I loved Aquaman and Jacques Cousteau, couldn’t get enough of the beach, and wanted to live in Florida so I could learn about sharks and dolphins. My uncle used to scuba dive and show us all of his scuba gear, and one year he bought my brothers and I our own snorkel gear. At some point I suppose I let my ever practical parents beat that idea out of me, and I wound up a lawyer instead. I also wound up in therapy, but that’s a whole ‘nuther story.
5) In fifth grade, I won a city-wide essay contest sponsored by the local police for an essay entitled "I Want To Be A Police Officer For A Day." The city gave me a plaque, I got to address the city council, and they interviewed me on local TV.
6) On a family vacation to Grand Cayman, I wandered off at the famous Seven Mile Beach. Again, as a shy daydreamer, I completely lost track of time, did a little snorkeling, and had no idea that my parents, siblings, aunt, uncle, cousins, and the Grand Cayman police were scouring the island for hours trying to find my dumb ass. Eventually, I ran into my big brother on the beach. After a quick hello and a hug, he picked me up off the ground and body slammed me into the sand. I also wound up in therapy, but that’s a whole ‘nuther story.
There you have it. Thank you, Slut, for the tag. I shall now tag Sherb, Philly, and Kelly.
Swim safely,
The Lifeguard
13 comments:
While I've know about your gargantuan nipples, I had no idea about your 5th grade 15 minutes of fame.
Thanks for the tag, keep this up and I'll be back to a regular schedule of posting in no time.
If I would have had to repeat a grade , kindergarten is the one I would have chosen to repeat: only 1/2 day long and a recess too!
That is so weird! I've always been self-conscious about my nipples, too! LOL
Now, of course, we're all consumed with curiosity about your therapy. Why, how, what kind, and most important, why didn't it work?
Also, why in the world did you want to be a policeman?
Personally, I find your love of Aquaman to be your most disturbing revelation. The guy had no powers, other than his ability to talk to, and sometimes control, fish. Oooooh. Get him on land, and he's just another wuss in an orange and green costume (nice color scheme btw). He's like two steps up from Zan and Jana. C'mon man!
Chappy:
I too would totally repeat kindergarten, but that's a far cry from getting left back!
Slut:
The essay contest required you to write an essay describing why you would want to be a police officer for a day. Me? I didn't want to be a cop-- I'd've preferred AquaMan!
As for therapy, it was the usual talk therapy stuff. At some point I realized I was raised by pretty over-protective old world parents, that I still felt a bit crippled by a lonely childhood, and I had a lot of transference issues in my relationships. So, I started therapy. One of the best decisions in my life. I actually look forward to finding more psychopathology in my life so I can go back. Seriously, it was a great learning experience.
T.:
No one slams the AquaMan, man! I admit he didn't have much by way of powers, but for me as a kid, getting to live underwater was enough. What I want to know, though, is how did AquaMan come into existence? What's his story? We know all about Superman, Batman, Spiderman, but what about him? How'd he get his powers?
I see an entire day surfing the net in my future...
I think there has to be something said of Aquaman fans. I think they may be introverted or the type who simply prefer to be alone and away from the world. I think that's the allure of Aquaman, living underwater, away from society.
I feel like I've done a meme like this before, only it was 7 things not 6 things. Of course the very premise of this meme I can't see as being viable for me since there simply is nothing non-important about me. :)
Thanks for the add! I thought the bit on learning the alphabet was hysterical.
Incidentally, I too enjoyed some fame my 5th grade year. A teacher of mine wanted to enter me into some art contest, so I slapped some half-assed drawing together to make her happy. It wound up becoming a top finalist among a nation-wide contest of over 30,000 participants.
Philly:
I think you hit the nail right on the head (dorsal fin?) with Aquaman. I too remember doing a meme of 7 or something like that, but I figured "Shoot, there's got to be some more stuff folks don't know about me," so I gave it another whack.
Chad:
Looks like we're both child stars in hiding, huh? Maybe we'll get out own VH1 Specials out of this. Behind the Meme Pool...
Re: Aquaman's origin, I heard a rumor while watching Superfriends back in the day that it had something to do with an overzealous teenager who waxed the dolphin once too often in the shower. The resulting product made its way down the drain and into the Pacific Ocean, where it ultimately impregnated a female sperm whale. The rest, as they say, is history. Aquaman was born one February 4th (an Aquarius, of course) half-human, half-fish, with the ability to talk to underwater organisms of all kinds, from the tiniest plankton to the largest squid. His curse? A garish taste in clothing and a permanent inability to form lasting relationships with women on land. Last I heard, he was chasing mermaid tail (literally) in Atlantis.
Seacrest out.
I would have thought he'd be born in March (Pisces, of course).
Aquaman? Please man. The Snorkels ruled the underwater world.
These days I'm actually into SpongeBob, if you can believe that.
Yes, it was the snorks...sorry about that. Spongebob is a great show. I watch it way more then my daughter.
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